Relationships

Richard Lang

How does being consciously face to no-face affect the way we relate to others?

Let’s say I am not aware of who I really am. Pretending I have a face here, I play the face game (without realising I’m playing a game). My relationships are profoundly affected by this. For example, when I meet you I believe you are the same as myself. Though I may not put it into words, my behaviour communicates my conviction that we confront each other face to face, that you are contained inside your head and body there as I am here. You receive this message loud and clear. If you are also unaware of your true Self, then not only do you take on board my projection, you project the same message to me so that together we re-enforce this mutual pretence of confrontation. It’s a wonder if this doesn’t lead to conflict.

But when I see that I have no face, my relationship with you changes profoundly. Now when I meet you, I see (rather than believe) that you are the same as myself, for when I see my true Self I see your true Self – self-evidently the space here is one, the One Self in all beings. Though I may not put it into words, my non-verbal message to you now is: "Like me, you are faceless. We are not confronting each other but are taking each other in." In other words, "I am you and you are me." It’s not surprising if you sense ‘where I am coming from’. Rather than feeling I am throwing your face back at you, you feel I am taking it off you. If you are also aware of who you really are, then you are taking my face off me. Together we now see and enjoy the reality of non-confrontation, the reality of trading faces, the reality of being each other. It’s a wonder if this doesn’t lead to love!

However, our own Seeing is not dependent on sharing it with others, welcome and supportive as this sharing is. Whether another person agrees or disagrees with you about being the One makes no difference to your own seeing that you are the One. The existence and nature of the One is self-evident and not dependent on outside confirmation. Indeed there can be no outside confirmation since there is no outside and there are no others. When you see you are the One, you see you are everywhere and you are alone – you are the Alone.